Who Am I?

For the past ten plus years, I have been a church worship director.  It was everything I knew in my work life.  Looking back, it seems as though my entire life was a trajectory toward being a worship director.  I started playing guitar at a young age, took on singing in Junior High, fell madly in love with Jesus in High School, joined the woship team at church at age fifteen, went to college and got a music degree, and got my first church job right out of college.  So much identity was wrapped up in the fact that I was a worship director.  It was what I did, it was who I was...and then it was over.

The next week, I was sitting in a pew with my wife at a new church listening to the words of institution before taking communion and I had a rush of panic.  My wife could see the change happen and asked what was wrong.  All I could say was:  "who am I?"  As if in answer, the band started playing a song called "Your Beloved."  The words to the chorus go:

I am Your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I am Your beloved

I almost started laughing it was so clear an answer.  Yes, I am His beloved.  And apparently because I needed more reminding of it, a good friend, former co-worker and fellow former worship director gave me a book called Abba's Child by Brennan Manning.  There is so much in this book I wish I could share, but I'll just share this one quote: 

"Living in awareness of our belovedness is the axis around which the Christian life revolves.  Being the beloved is our identity, the core of our existence.  It is not merely a lofty thought, an inspiring idea, or one name among many.  It is the name by which God knows us and the way He relates to us."

God made each of us with attention to the smallest detail.  He knows our uniqueness, our frailties, our passions, our dislkes.  He longs for us to love Him and for us to know we are loved.  He blesses us with family relationships and relationship with friends which, at their best, demonstrate only the faintest glimmer of His love for us.  You are beloved, I am beloved, we collectively are beloved.  To deny God's love for us is not only foolish, it is sinful.
It is much easier to wrap our identity up in what we do than in who we are. I must admit, that I have done it for years without even knowing it. Yes, I am "husband," I am "father," I am "believer" and many other things. But above all, I am beloved.